Kaycia Walker

I am soooooo far from being perfect. And almost daily, something happens to remind me of this fact so that if at any point I am tempted to feel more important than anyone else, I am immediately humbled by my flaws. From adding salt and all-purpose seasoning before deep frying salted mackerel, to baking chicken in a glass baking pan but keeping the plastic lid on, and being so busy with my phone that I bumped my forehead into a stop sign so hard that it jolted me backward, let’s just say I am as flawed as they come. No, I’m not making any of this up, it’s all true. And trust me, if you think those stories are funny, you have not heard anything yet. My sister has a whole catalog of all my most stellar moments. By the way, I know it might be a little difficult to believe but I can actually cook:)

STORYTIME!

I am VERY sentimental. Before I tell you my story, I want you to keep this at the forefront of your mind because it’s important. I am the type of woman who will hold onto gifts given to me ten years ago even if they’re falling apart. Parting with gifts is usually difficult, especially if it’s from someone I’m close to and it doesn’t matter how small it is. I am not moved by size or cost, I’m moved by thoughtfulness. So, one can imagine how devastated I was by what I am about to tell you.

Well, guys, my birthday is just weeks away. While out sometime last week, I was offered an early birthday present. I was asked what I wanted and I requested a fragrance. The people closest to me know that I love a really good fragrance. I love smelling good. It’s just my thing. So, when I received my gift I was both happy and grateful. When I got to my car, I placed the bag into the back but had not noticed that it fell onto the floor of the car. After doing a few outdoor activities for a few hours, I decided that it was time to head home. When I opened the back door of my car, I saw a bag laying on the floor and I was instantly annoyed. Why was trash on the floor? Who left it there? I was so upset that I grabbed the bag and tossed it into the trash. Let’s just say I did not realize what I had done until a week later because I went home and searched everywhere for my gift. Yes, guys, I threw away a sealed bottle of Gucci Bamboo *sigh. This is another one for the books.

PATTERNS

Over the past few weeks, I have spent time discussing how our lives are by-products of our mindset. While I do not profess to be an expert on the subject, I have read and have been reading books written by those who are, and whose work are backed by years of scientific research. I became interested in the topic when I noticed that just setting goals is not enough for becoming the woman I know I can be and living the life I want. My journey to self-awareness began and I realized that I had some unhealthy ways of thinking that inevitably manifested in limiting and self-destructing patterns in my life. My desire to be better made me go on a quest for self-discovery and reconstruction. As you can clearly see, I am not all the way there yet but I am so thankful that I am not where I started either.

But what does mindset have to do with me tossing an unopened bottle of perfume? I do not like seeing trash on the floor but sometimes unwanted items are forgotten in my car and it usually annoys me. My brain created a neurological pathway based on those past experiences so when I saw the bag on the floor I was immediately triggered and acted in haste and anger. Rational thinking would have required that I paused, calmed down, and checked the bag before taking action but I did none of that. Whenever our brain creates a pattern, we act without giving much thought to it because it’s as if we are operating on autopilot. As you can see, this can be very dangerous if the patterns formed are destructive. Knowing one’s triggers is also imperative as becoming aware can help in making better decisions and even overcoming same. What do these have in common? The battle wages in the mind FIRST then is made manifest through our actions and choices.

BREAKING UNHEALTHY PATTERNS

Modern psychology suggests that unhealthy patterns cannot be broken, they have to be replaced. Hence, in trying to rid ourselves of bad patterns we need to find a replacement habit or we will experience a relapse. The first step, however, is to figure out what our patterns and triggers are, find the root of the problem, then identify a system that can be implemented to replace that habit. This might look like saying out loud, “Every time I see trash in my car, I’ll stop, take 10 deep breaths, and check to see what it is, before making a decision.” Or, I’ll wait for 20 minutes, make no assumptions, and give it some thought before taking action. Yours might be different and that’s okay. You just need to find what works for you and use it.

CONCLUSION

Changing your mindset takes much work and it will take time. Be patient with yourself and offer yourself grace when you happen to slip into those unhealthy patterns, but also celebrate small wins. The fact that you are reading my work suggests that you have a desire to grow and develop. Deep in your heart you know there is more to you than what you are currently experiencing. You want more. This is your reminder to keep going. One day at a time, one step at a time. You’ll get there- but it all begins with your mind.