“I pushed to buy this house because they said I couldn’t.”
“I chose a neighborhood they thought was out of my reach, then invited them over just to see the look of shame on their faces!”
“I worked my tail off for this job because they didn’t think I could get it. Joke’s on them -look at me now!”
Have you ever been here? Well, maybe not here specifically, but in that place where you decide to work at something with all your might simply because you want to prove people wrong. He said, she said, they said I couldn’t, so I did.
I cannot begin to tell you how many times I’ve watched videos, documentaries, or casual conversations where people share how they were hurt or disappointed by those who downplayed their value or blatantly disregarded them for a position or opportunity simply because they didn’t believe they measured up. What could have broken them for life was transformed into passion and fuel – fuel that powered their resolve to go against the grain and prove the naysayers wrong. Sounds noble and inspiring, I must admit, because at one point in my life, I bought into this narrative too. When people doubt or underestimate me, I’ll work my hardest to prove them wrong. When I become wildly successful by doing what they thought I couldn’t do, that’ll show ’em!
SELF SABOTAGE IN DISGUISE
It’s interesting to reflect on my mindset at the time because it was shaped by the story I told myself; that people would care enough about what they said about me and care enough to feel remorse for ever underestimating me. Well, I was in for a rude awakening! The harsh reality is that people rarely even remember what they’ve said to us after the words leave their mouths. We remember and dwell on it because we are the ones who were hurt. After “they” have underestimated you, honey, they move on with their lives!
This is a very dangerous place to live. Why? Because when we live like this, we make our “haters” the center of our lives. The real question is, why are we comfortable making people we believe don’t like us the focus of our decisions? Why would you allow someone you don’t like to be at the center of your choices? Why do you feel compelled to prove them wrong? Do you subconsciously believe them? If “they” have little bearing on how you feel and what you believe about yourself, why do you need to convince them otherwise? That need to prove might be rooted in something much deeper than you think – and it’s probably best to sit with yourself for a bit to expose the hidden. Not to condemn yourself or to self loathe, but to find truth, because you cannot heal what you haven’t identified and confronted.
The danger of letting haters motivate you is simple: without them, you’d never feel motivated to pursue greatness. In other words, you’d need a fresh supply of critics just to keep pushing forward. And what happens when you no longer have haters? Do you plateau? Regress? Or worse – create conflict just to have someone to prove wrong? Do you see the problem? This approach is not sustainable.
A BETTER WAY TO LIVE
I believe there’s a healthier way to live, to push your potential, and to stay inspired to do great things – and it starts with operating from a much higher place. Your purpose, value, influence, and destiny are far too precious to hand over to your “haters.” That, my friend, is a reckless way to gamble with destiny.
When you make destiny-defining decisions from a place of people-centeredness, you hand over the power to shape your dreams and goals. In doing so, you willingly step away from your role in partnering with the Creator to fulfill a mission much bigger than yourself; and instead place that power in the hands of people you believe don’t even like you. If you are sure of yourself, you won’t operate from a place of proving; you’ll operate from a place of purpose.
THE POINT OF THE MATTER IS…
Instead of operating from a place where people control your decisions, take your power back by operating from purpose and principle. Push your limits because you’re committed to fulfilling the assignment you were placed on this earth to do. Be great because you value offering your gifts to the world for the betterment of society. Work consistently and make progress because you recognize that there is a unique impact only you can make, and leaving this earth with everything still inside you robs others of what they could have gained and may even hinder their progress.
Show up, give your best, grow, heal, and develop, because it is an insult to the Creator to live below your privilege. Let’s move forward in power, by being motivated by a greater purpose – not by a temporary event.
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