The most important things on earth are not things. This may sound cliché – like something people say to cope with not having material luxuries. But is this really true?
VALUE SYSTEMS
The story is told of a man who took his wife and son to the circus. While waiting in line to pay for their ticket, he received a call from work requesting that he come in right away. He paused for a moment, looked at his family, his little boy staring at him with sad eyes, and his wife, seemingly worried. He responded to the other party on the other end of the line, “I’m sorry, but I can’t make it”.
After he hung up the phone, his wife turned to him and said, “You probably should have gone”.
To which he responded, “Work can wait, childhood won’t”.
His son may never remember the brand new Movado watch he received from his father, but he definitely won’t forget the day he made a sacrifice to be with him. What that one simple act communicated was that his father loved him enough to make him a priority, even if it might have cost him a few extra dollars or a promotion. This father understood that every moment spent with the people he loves is priceless. That realization informed his decision. He understood that he would have impacted the lives of his family in more ways than one. At that moment, he became their hero.
When I think of this story, it makes me reflect on God’s love for us. Truth is, we sometimes profess our love for others, but our love ends when it demands a sacrifice. The problem with this is that the meaning of love can be summed up in one word- sacrifice. It’s not the butterflies you feel the moment she walks by. It’s not the weakness you feel in your knees when he says your name. Love demands sacrifice. Love demands patience. Love is kind. Love covers and protects, even when it feels like an inconvenience. It is not selfish but considers the emotions of others first.
WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?
There is a popular song by Jonathan McReynolds featuring Jamal Roberts called ‘Still’ where the singers celebrate and even marvel at the depth of God’s love for them despite all their shortcomings. This simple truth that God “…still loves [us]” is deeply profound. Until you have had people declare their love for you but harbor unforgiveness for a mistake you’ve made, until someone profess their undying love for you but was comfortable enough to gossip about you with others, until someone pledged their unwavering love for you but did not show up when you needed them the most, until people declare their love and devotion to you but did not demonstrate this in supporting your dream, until you have declared your love for others but fell short in all or one of the above, then, and only then, will you understand and appreciate the profundity of the undeniable and unchangeable fact of God’s relentless love for humanity.
STORY TIME
I remember learning of a woman who encouraged her boyfriend to beat her because it meant he loved her. Why, you may ask, would someone ask an individual to do such a perturbing thing? Well, when she was younger, her parents would reprimand her through beating and would consistently tell her that they did it because they loved her. This created a mindset that associated physical abuse with being loved. This mindset, cultivated through childhood experiences, showed up in her relationship, and we can assume the likelihood that this behavior showed up in the way she parented her children. We can infer that, unless this error has been corrected, this mindset may have been passed on to the next generation, and the cycle continues.
Pastor George East, a man I respect deeply, advised the congregation during one of our relationship forums that the next time someone declares their love for us, we should ask them to explain what they mean. As time passed and I transitioned into adulthood, I began to see value in this advice. The truth is that people have different ideas of what love is based on experience and what we’ve been taught- some definitions are wholesome while others are warped. Hence, the need to ascertain what people’s definition of love is when they profess the same.
THE CONCLUSION OF THE MATTER
The next time someone pledges their love to you, stop and think about the sacrifices they’ve made for you. Have they made any? Do they cover you when you’re weak or in error, but correct you with your best interest at the forefront? How is correction given? Is it broadcast publicly, or is reprimand done privately with the purest intent? Love gives. Love sacrifices. Love is patient, kind, and does not get angry easily. Love bears all things and believes all things. It does not seek the benefit of self, but that of others.
When you declare love, do your actions align? When someone declares love for you, are their behaviors consistent with their profession? If the answer is no, an honest assessment of what love really means may be needed if there’s a gap. Get clear on what you both understand love to mean. This is an important step in defining what love is and what it should look like if we are to experience a wholesome, warm, consistent, sacrificial, and relentless kind of love.
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