Photo by Iwaria Inc. on Unsplash
In last week’s blog, I discussed identifying negative thought patterns and understanding how they shape our lives. The truth is, our thoughts affect our results way more than we often realize. And if we do not cultivate and maintain healthy thoughts, we risk self-sabotaging or becoming the reason someone else has to lie on a therapist’s couch (and not in a good, “I’m doing the work” kind of way).
If you are like me, you want to grow in every area of your life, including healing the parts that feel a little (or a lot) broken. That kind of growth requires a heightened level of self-awareness and, let’s be honest, a real willingness to change; even when it’s uncomfortable. If that sounds like you, keep reading.
Here are a couple of practical strategies I have implemented (and backed by experts in their field) to help produce healthier thoughts so we can build healthier thought patterns:
Question your thoughts
I did not realize how negative my thoughts were until I started actively paying attention to the ones that kept showing up on repeat. You know the ones, those thoughts that greet you before your feet even hit the floor in the morning, or the ones that show up the second something does not go as planned.
For example, let’s say you send a text and don’t get a reply right away. Suddenly, your mind creates a narrative:
“They’re ignoring me. I must have said something wrong.”
Before you know it, you’ve created a whole storyline, and now your mood is off, your focus is thwarted, and the person hasn’t even responded yet.
Or maybe you made a small mistake at work. Instead of acknowledging it and moving on, you replay it all day:
“Why did I do that? I always mess things up.”
Meanwhile, nobody else is even thinking about it anymore, but you’ve been stuck there for hours.
That was me. Without noticing, I would spend at least 60 percent of my day hyper-fixated on what went wrong earlier that day, or even the day before, instead of acknowledging the situation for what it was and moving on.
One of the first steps I had to take was to start paying close attention to my thought patterns. This looked like making a mental note of all my thoughts. This might also look like writing down negative thoughts each time they happen throughout the day or over the course of a week.
If journaling is not your thing, try something more visual. For example, place a paperclip in a jar every time you catch yourself thinking something negative. Imagine looking at that jar at the end of the day and realizing, “Wow…this is what has been taking up space in my mind?” That visual alone can be eye-opening.
Assess them
Now that you are aware your thoughts may not be as positive as you once believed, it is time to hold them hostage and ask a few probing questions.
Who sent you?
No, but seriously, where are these thoughts coming from? Are they rooted in fear? Doubt? Anxiety? Past experiences? That one embarrassing moment from 2012 that still pops up at random?
The messenger matters because it tells you whether the thought is credible or just loud.
For instance, if you walk into a room and immediately think, “I don’t belong here,” is that fact…or is that insecurity speaking? If you assume someone is upset with you, is that the truth, or anxiety filling in gaps?
Also, what are the facts and what are the lies? What emotions have I attached to these thoughts?
Let’s take a simple scenario: your boss says, “Can we talk later?”
Your thought: “I’m in trouble.”
The fact: They asked to talk. That’s it.
Everything else? Interpretation.
These questions are critical because they help you separate reality from assumption. They expose the root of the pattern and allow you to process your mindset in a healthier, more grounded way.
What does this look like in practice?
It can be as simple as pausing in the moment and mentally walking yourself through it:
“I’m thinking that I messed everything up… but what actually happened?”
“I’m assuming they’re upset with me… but do I have proof?”
“This feels true… but is it actually true?”
Or even out loud (yes, talking to yourself counts as self-awareness, not craziness). If you had told my younger Jamaican self this, I would look at you like you’re coo coo for Coco Puffs.
But, the beauty of growth is that you get to learn new things and correct faulty thinking, including the belief that you’re cray cray if you think out loud.
Final Thoughts
The goal is not to never have negative thoughts again; that’s unrealistic. The goal is to become aware of them, challenge them, and refuse to let them run your life unchecked.
Because once you start questioning your thoughts instead of automatically believing them, you take your power back, and that is where real change begins.
What are some things you have done or have been doing to improve your thought patterns? I would love to hear from you!
Leave a Reply